


technicolor

by supernaturalsun



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, communication makes everything better, your soulmate knows what you feel thanks to a color on his wrist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23856685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalsun/pseuds/supernaturalsun
Summary: The thing is, Jamie wants to believe. Jamie wants to believe but he doesn’t trust fate or whoever is doing the matching job, doesn’t like the blurry consequences of fuck-ups either. He doesn’t understand and it makes everything feel out of control.Jamie’s scared of someone he hasn’t met yet but desperately wants to know. It’s not exactly the funniest feeling to live with.(soulmate au where the color on your wrist changes according to your soulmate's emotions)
Relationships: Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 183





	technicolor

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time since I've been able to finish anything so I'm a little proud of myself.
> 
> Thanks to Johanna for her never-ending support (I'm still really glad I got you into this) and the rpf discord which provided some inspiration and concentration with the various gifs and everything.

**I.** The mark appears at people’s birth or the day their soulmate is born. Situated just below the left wrist, it consists of a strip that grows with the body and takes up an average of two inches of width and one inch of height once people are adults. The shade of the mark changes depending on people’s soulmate’s mood, able to take on about every color of the human visible spectrum.

Each emotion transfer into a different color. There tends to be some universal theme (anger takes over red and blues more often than not cover sadness) but in the end, everyone stays unique.

Although it has been proven scientifically that there is no emotional or sensory connection between soulmates, the empirical experience says that people are rarely wrong in their interpretation of the colour on their wrist, the _you look and you just know_ statement just owning researchers ass.

**II.** Jamie is two and a half years old when he wakes up with a pretty pink on his wrist one morning. He has no memory of it and his parents decide against giving him the date of birth of his soulmate. Say it’s like cheating or something. When he is old enough to look around, family pictures help Jamie figure out his supposed significant other should be born somewhere between Christmas 1991 and the 27th of March 1992, when they celebrated his mother’s 30th birthday.

When they are teenagers and then young adults, Jordie sends him a disappointed look every time he catches Jamie asking someone for their date of birth. Later, he says it’s just a basic information about someone, he’s getting to know people, _I’m being social Jordie, you should be happy_ They both know it’s bullshit but Jamie has always been better at hiding than admitting his flaws, so.

And like, it’s not the way his family thinks it is. Jamie isn’t trying to cheat and he understands his mom when she explains for the umpteenth time that soulmates will meet when they’re meant to and you’re allowed to have other meaningful relationships in the meantime. He gets it. It’s just… Jamie’s opinion on the whole soulmates thing is kind of complicated.

**III.** _what happens if we never meet. and what do we do if we don’t like each other. what about if one of us dies. how does it even work._

The questions spend their time turning around Jamie’s head and out of it to the point where his parents and teachers are all annoyed with him. His mom might be the most patient person in the world (or maybe she just loves him that much) because she tries to explain the best she can every time.

And the thing is, Jamie _wants_ to believe. Jamie wants to believe but he doesn’t trust fate or whoever is doing the matching job, doesn’t like the blurry consequences of fuck-ups either. He doesn’t _understand_ and it makes everything feel out of control.

Jamie’s scared of someone he hasn’t met yet but desperately wants to know. It’s not exactly the funniest feeling to live with.

**IV.** Jamie’s seventeen when he figures out that his soulmate won’t turn out to be a girl. Well, he knows platonic soulmates exist and you can end up connected to your best friend and it’s great, but the cases are pretty rare and all of the pairs who’ve met in Jamie’s entourage are already planning their future life with their wedding and kids and the whole picture. And Jamie knows he has a complicated opinion on the soulmate thing but he also knows that he can’t deny the appeal and dreams of it for himself more often than he would like to.

So, Jamie doesn’t like girls and he tells so to his brother and his sister because they’re the only people in the world he can’t keep a secret from.

On the same day, he comes to terms with both his sexuality and the fact that his soulmate will have to wait or be forever disappointed because he plans on being in the NHL and do great.

**V.** The following month, Jamie starts wearing guards.

He’d grown a certain love for nice watches and bracelets when he realised they could cover his strip pretty well but wristbands can move around and he can’t wear a watch when he’s running or in the pool so he resorts to guards. They make them for every taste, concealing, discreet, easy for the skin to breath through. Jamie buys a bunch of them and barely lives without one in place.

Jamie doesn’t forget about his soulmate _but_. But it’s easier to focus about hockey, he explains to people who ask and it’s not exactly a lie. But his eyes no longer lose themselves on his forearm for too long minutes. But he stops asking himself so many questions and internal debates about whether or not he’ll meet his soulmate and if it should matter or not.

The guard goes off when he showers and Jamie would be a liar to not admit he feels guilty and full of shit when he stares down his arm and wonder at happy forest green and sad deep ocean blue.

**VI.** Technically, you _can_ get the strip covered. Thing is, it’s not illegal but most tattoos artists will, in the best case just tell you that they don’t do that, in the worst case urge you to get the hell out of their shop. Once you get someone who agrees, well, that’s it. Half an hour or so under a needle and you get a lifetime a people who will look at you either sadly or disgusted, the ones bold enough asking you how your soulmate died or why did you decide to cut them out of your life.

The legend says the process hurts more than any other tattoo, even for people who already have their whole body inked and those who never feels pain under the pistol. People will tell you that it’s because your soulmate can feel that you’re giving up on them or some shit like that. Jamie has always found the theory kind of dramatic.

He considers it, sometimes, when he’s frustrated and convinced he’s never going to meet this person who’s supposed to light up his life or something. He thinks about it and goes to the extent of finding an artist who will put ink on him. Jamie never goes further than making an appointment. He never shows up because there is always the appearance of bright green or angry red on his wrist to sooth him and shake his head out of it. _It doesn’t feel right._ Yeah, Jamie might be more sentimental than he would like to admit.

**VII.** On the 3rd of February 2011, the Stars play the Bruins in Boston.

There is this moment during warm-ups where Jamie loses his focus long enough to let his eyes wander over the Bruins and lock onto number 19. It takes a second for Jamie to recognize him from the draft (and yeah, coach did warn his d-men of mister second overall during his briefing earlier that day, he remembers that too) and then he has Tyler Seguin flashing a grin in his direction before he’s off shooting at pucks.

Somewhere during the second period Jamie puts on a clean hit against Seguin. It’s nothing unusual but it leaves him feeling weird when he skates away from the corner of the rink, as if he was the one who just got crushed against the boards. He finds Seguin when he raises his head and there is a wince on his face that turn into a smile when he locks eyes with Jamie.

Jamie forgets to take off his guard when he goes to bed that night and he doesn’t get to see the rainbow all but glowing on his forearm.

**VIII.** Every color on his wrist seems brighter after that day, the feelings associated clearer too. Jamie can’t help but notice. He starts asking around but stops early enough when he has a third person asking him if he’s sure he hasn’t met his soulmate, _because it pretty much looks like it._

Fuck them. And fuck his soulmate who hasn’t appeared yet but who’s already fucking up with him when Jamie hasn’t asked for anything.

**IX.** In January of 2012, Jamie gets to go to his first All Star Game and he feels like he might die (of stress, embarrassment, pain ??? choose your pick) only 78% of the time. He can blame the appendectomy he underwent through two weeks prior, it’s okay.

Guards are mandatory for everyone because it’s a televised event and they can’t have people being distracted by the patch of color of every hockey player on the screen. Jamie’s glad, it keeps his mind of his soulmate.

Jamie shakes a lot of hands during the week-end but he is not prepared for the jolt of electricity that goes through his body when it’s Tyler Seguin’s turn. Jamie puts in on his meds or like, the blinding smile that Tyler throws his way at the same time. There’s also an itch crawling on his wrist but Jamie is too concentrated on not stuttering his answer to Tyler’s question (he’s pretty sure there was a question in the air before he lost his ability to function) to notice Tyler’s right thumb rubbing his skin under his own guard.

**X.** During the first half of 2013, Jamie starts noticing a recurring anxious orange on his wrist when he showers. He goes through several phases, starts with disinterest that morphes into curiosity, mild annoyance and finally worry. On the worst days the mark also screams distress, anger and fear, and Jamie can’t tear his eyes away.

Somewhere in the world there is this human who is apparently having a really bad time in his life and Jamie feels the urgent need to hug him and shield him from whatever’s assaulting him but he _can’t_.

A two by one inches rectangle of black ink has never appealed to him so much. If only Jamie could play the egoist for once in his life (which, for the record, he probably couldn’t do even to save his life).

He can’t exactly send good vibes and soothing waves of comfort because well, for however mysterious the bond is, Jamie knows that’s not how it works. The situation still kind of stresses _him_ and he figures that can’t help.

Whoever he’s been paired with probably deserves better so Jamie tries to do better. He tries to feel confident, relaxed, proud. He tries to be encouraging and happy. He wants to make the most beautiful mint purple appear on the other end of the line.

The Hawks win the Cup. Jamie watches the game with Jordie guardless and his mark is such a mess it manages to get Jamie’s attention from the screen a couple of times.

The following days, his strip goes for a dull grey he’s not really used to. It takes a while for Jamie to identify what it goes for and he eventually realises his other half feels numb more often than not. He tries to help some more but it doesn’t seem to work that much.

Jamie kinds of forgets about his soulmate during the summer when Tyler Seguin gets traded to Dallas and starts spending a ridiculous amount of time with him and Jordie. Eventually, somewhere between camp and the beginning of the season, Jamie notices that his wrist has forgone the orange/grey mix for excited yellow and happy teal. He won’t admit it to anyone but the realisation makes him feel really good, a weight lifting from his stomach.

**XI.** Tyler is looking at his wrist when Jamie comes back to the couch with a couple of beers and it takes the noise of Jamie uncapping the bottles to get his attention.

“Careful there, you’re gonna miss me starting the next game and I’m not taking the blame for your loss,” Jamie warns.

“Sorry, got distracted by my soulmate. They’ve been feeling pretty good for the last couple of hours. It’s nice.” Tyler justifies himself before grabbing his beer and taking a pull. “Seems like yours is having a good time too.”

Jamie’s taken aback for a moment and he follows Tyler’s eyes to the bright green strip on his left wrist. So: 1. He forgot to put on his guard after his shower. Which, okay, _happens_. 2. Tyler is still looking at him expectantly and it’s not uncommon for people to discuss their soulmates’ mood, Jamie doesn’t like to do so but he’s used to it.

“Uh,” he starts. _Well done Jamie._

He looks back on his mark, observes the shade he perfectly recognizes as a mix of relaxed and happy and goes back to Tyler. “Yeah, I guess she is.”

Tyler doesn’t push more and they eventually start playing again.

“So they, uh ?” He manages to get out, accompanying his question with a glance at Tyler’s wrist in case it wasn’t clear enough.

It’s not the first time he’s heard Tyler talk about his soulmate but they’ve never particularly discussed that exact detail and Jamie feels nervous the moment the question leaves his mouth.

“Yeah.”

Tyler’s tone is enough to convey everything but when Jamie presses pause and turns to look at him, his face says it all a second time.

_of course_

_obviously, why would you ask_

_you can never know who your soul bonded with, why would i deny myself options_

That answer seemed so easy to give, it hits Jamie with a pang of vicious jealousy.

“You’re expecting a pretty lady ?” Tyler asks, mirroring the question in some way.

Jamie’s throat goes dry and he swallows some of his beer before getting his bearings back. There is an itch on the back of his tongue, making him want to come clean, be honest with Tyler. He wants to speak up but he physically can’t and he knows that so well that it makes him want to cry.

“Yeah, may the odds ever be in my favour,” he finally manages.

Tyler nods slowly, for a tense second Jamie is scared he’s going to make the conversation keep on but he doesn’t, just grab his Xbox controller back and winks at Jamie. It feels kind of comforting.

“Well, whoever she is, she ought to be better than you at CoD because someone needs to improve your game. You suck Jameson.”

**XII.** “I don’t know, man. I just noticed that they always are happy and excited after games we won, more often than not I think there’s also some pride in it. And when we lose I get this angry/hurt somber red which takes a while to go. So, I’m not saying I have this theory where my soulmate is probably a Stars fan, but well, I guess I do.”

Jamie thinks he’s pretty successful at suppressing the groan he wants to make as he listens to Tyler explaining to the rookies his theory on his soulmate but Jordie sends him a weird look that Jamie décides to ignore, finishing his beer instead and getting up to get a refill at the bar.

His own opinion on soulmates hasn’t changed that much but he knows how important it is to Tyler, they discuss it often enough for Jamie to have all the clues about it. And the thing is, Tyler loves his soulmate. He says they have helped him through rough time and he believes they’ll be good for him and he can’t wait to meet them.

And like, Jamie gets it and he respects Tyler’s feelings. He just… Jamie’s only known Tyler for a couple of months but he’s pretty sure he’s not bad at making Tyler feels good and Tyler makes everything easier for Jamie when he’s around and he doesn’t want to lose that.

It’s not that Jamie doesn’t want Tyler to meet his soulmate _but_.

(He’s happy to fill in for the role a little while more.)

Being resentful towards someone he hasn’t even met is fucking exhausting.

**XIII.** “What are you smiling at ?” Jamie asks when after he’s done with his post-game interview, he finds Tyler kind of dumbstruck while removing his equipment. They won the game and they both put on points, assisting on each other’s goals and everything. Playing on the same line with Tyler was truly becoming Jamie’s best experience in hockey and he didn’t know which gods he was supposed to thanks for their chemistry but yeah, the best thing.

“Nothing, it’s just…” Tyler looks up and his eyes are shining. He looks so genuinely happy and good that it makes something moves around in Jamie’s stomach, mostly in a good way. “My soulmate has been pretty proud lately and like, I know I can’t tell _for sure_ that it’s about me but it _feels_ like it is you know ?”

The tone used doesn’t really suppose an answer out of the question but Jamie forces himself to nod and uses the moment to study Tyler some more. The corners of his lips are turned upwards in a smile that feels almost too private. Like Tyler is just thinking out loud in his bubble, allowing Jamie to be a witness of it all. It’s the most relaxed he’s seen him since he arrived in Dallas.

Jamie can’t deny it’s something that makes him happy.

“Well, in any case it feels damn good,” Tyler declares.

There’s a pause before Jamie thinks of answering a “Right” that’s probably coming too late than it should have. Tyler doesn’t seem to mind, he stays quiet for a few seconds but then he chuckles as he unstraps his chest pad. “I’m not saying it’s kind of cementing the whole Dallas or even Tyler Seguin fan theory, but _uh uh_.”

Jamie represses a groan, settles for a shake of his head. He hasn’t stopped hating on the so-called theory ever since he was introduced to it. He’ll say to anyone who ask that it seems weird for Tyler to end up with a fan but if he’s honest with himself, he knows there’s something else bothering him. Hasn’t been able to pinpoint what it is yet, though.

His right hand goes to Tyler’s shoulder, takes his attention away from his socks and to Jamie’s face. “I’m proud of you too, Ty.”

Jamie feels kind of self-conscious, like his tone is too severe and serious for the matter at end but Tyler smiles anyway, the light still in his eyes when he answers quietly, “Yeah, I know.”

**XIV.** They have a game at home on New Year’s Eve and they beat LA on home ice. Jamie puts up an assist on Tyler’s goal and he gets to celebrate at a party he’s not sure how he gets to. He’d followed the guys on a uber after the game and now here he was, riding a pleasant buzz in some big house.

Jamie’s chatting with Val when Tyler grabs his hand and stirs him upstairs until they reach a room with a balcony overlooking the empty garden. The temperature is too cold for people to be outside but they can still hear the muffled sound of the music coming from the first floor.

“I needed some air,” Tyler announces, tucking himself in the corner of the space, elbows on the railing.

Jamie feels warm despite the breeze and he uses the excuse of hearing Tyler better to get closer to him, cocking his hip against the outer rail.

“Yeah ?” he asks, kind of wishing he hadn’t left his drink downstairs to have something to do with his hands.

“Yeah, I gotta clear my head to finalize my wishes for the great year of 2014,” Tyler grins.

“Oh you have goals ?”

“A couple of them.”

“Anything I can help you with ?”

“Maybe. I can’t tell you,” Tyler shakes his head. “It’s like birthday wishes, if you say them out loud they can’t come true.”

There is a dare, right there in Tyler’s eyes and Jamie hasn’t even had that much to drink but he’s weak and he probably has too many feelings he doesn’t know what to do with.

He is so engrossed in Tyler’s face and the big crisis happening in his brain that Jamie doesn’t notice the countdown happening downstairs and he jumps a little when he hears the first firework.

“Easy,” Tyler calms him, putting his hands on Jamie’s waist to settle him. Then he smiles, licks his lower lip, and Jamie is done.

Kissing Tyler makes Jamie feels like he’s on the safest place on Earth and he can’t get enough of it. When they finally break to breathe Tyler looks so pleased and _hopeful_ , Jamie can’t help the small sound that gets out of his throat.

“Looks like you’re already helping me. What a great mind you got here captain,” Tyler smiles against his lips. Jamie kisses him again.

“Happy new year Ty.”

**XV.** “Can I ?”

Jamie’s coming down from his orgasm and it takes his hazy brain a few seconds to understand the question. Opening his eyes, he blinks a couple of times before he’s able to focus on Tyler.

Tyler, who is done cleaning them and who is now lying on his stomach next to Jamie. Tyler, who is holding Jamie’s left wrist in his hands, lips mere centimeters away from his bare skin. Tyler, who has in his eyes the softest and earnest look Jamie has ever seen.

The sight sends Jamie’s heart skyrocketing.

Jamie has agreed with himself that he could stop wearing his guard around Tyler because Tyler never wears one and it just feels fair to do the same.

Now, Jamie isn’t sure what to think of that decision, his blood pressure way too high to be comfortable.

Jamie looks at his mark and then sneaks a peek at Tyler’s, finding there the same shade of reddish yellow he associates with sex induced relaxation and contentment.

The realisation makes him hot, color rising on his cheeks, and then Tyler brings his attention back by rubbing his thumb just below his soulmark.

Jamie is a fraction of second away from letting out of his mouth a really embarrassing noise.

His gaze meeting Tyler’s, Jamie nods.

The kiss is electric. It first sends a shiver through Jamie’s whole body but the next second his heartbeat is settling and Jamie feels wrapped in a bubble of calm energy he wants to pocket away to go back to whenever he feels like he needs to.

He doesn’t realize he has closed his eyes until he feels more than see Tyler climbing up the bed to settle against him, his head on Jamie’s chest.

“I’m really glad I took you to that balcony,” Tyler mumbles against Jamie’s throat as he adjusts himself around Jamie’s body.

Jamie can feel his heart being tempted to go on another rollercoaster ride but he manages to keep it quiet, squeezing his right arm around Tyler’s back and dropping a kiss in his hair.

“Yeah, me too.”

**XVI.** “Heyo Capitan, how’s the soulmate ?” Jamie’s eyes snap to Dills as his attention is snatched away from his wrist and back to his teammate. He goes for the beer in front of him and takes a few gulps to gain back some composure.

“They’re good.” He smiles, tone maybe a little too soft.

When he turns his head, Jamie’s eyes lock onto Tyler’s and he looks so goddamn _happy_ , it takes all of Jamie’s willpower to not kiss him right there in the middle of the bar.

**XVII.** They’re starting the fourth week of january and they’re having breakfast in Jamie’s kitchen on a day Jordie slept over at his girlfriend’s place when Jamie notices Tyler’s handwriting on the calendar of his fridge.

“Ty, how old are you ?” Jamie asks, keeping his voice steady and looking at where Tyler is seated at the bar, going through his pancakes.

“Going on 22 at the end of the month, why ? You’re afraid I think you’re my sugar daddy ? Because believe me, if I wanted one I would have chosen someone way better. Don’t misunderstand me, you treat me well and all but I have higher standards,” Tyler jokes with a cheeky grin.

In front of him, standing in the middle of the kitchen with a brick of milk in one hand, Jamie has gone a little pale.

“You’re telling me you were born on the 31st of January 1992 ?” His voice is steady but he’s not sure how. Jamie’s eyes go for Tyler’s wrist, where he catch fear and a mix of things he can’t identify. Jamie doesn’t really need to, though. He already know how he feels.

Tyler’s face follows Jamie’s look and it’s pretty to pinpoint when the realisation dawns on him. “Okay, today’s the day, nice.”

“The day what, _Tyler_.” Jamie asks, his voice a little strangled, the grip on his milk probably way too strong.

“Okay don’t do that. You’re not getting mad at me because it took you longer than me to realize. It’s unfair and I’m not accepting it.”

Jamie’s heart is hammering in his heart and he wants to scream. He’s having the biggest revelation of his life and Tyler is out there telling him he had already figured it out ? _What the hell._

“You’re fucking kidding me.” Jamie lets out an ironic laugh, finally puts down the milk to settle his hands on the counter in from of him, the bar separating him from Tyler. “You knew we were soulmates, are soulmates, and you decided to keep it for yourself ? What the fuck.”

He wasn’t sure how soulmates reunion usually went but Jamie was pretty sure this wasn’t the usual way to go about it. He sees Tyler taking a big breath and he seems so collected, Jamie wants to shake him so bad.

“Like I said, we’re not doing that,” Tyler declares as he gets up from his stool.

“You owe me an explanation Ty, stop,” Jamie doesn’t whine but he’s not particularly fan of the tone his voice uses. He goes to reach for Tyler but the stare he gets back stops him in his tracks.

“I owed you time and I still do. Jamie look — you needed time. You still do. Don’t protest.” Jamie tries to but he’s once again stopped by Tyler’s expression. He’s never looked so tired and serious at the same time, it’s not a look Jamie is very fond of. “Have you heard yourself talk about your soulmate ? It took the two of us dating to stop referring me as a she. You wear your guard more often than not. You barely believe in the system.”

Each one of Tyler’s words feels like a punch to the gut. He watches, powerless, as Tyler leaves the kitchen to go put on his shoes in the doorway.

Jamie’s throat feels unable to form any sentence but he still feels like he needs any form of comfort from Tyler. You’re not supposed to hug when you have an argument with your significant other but Jamie _wants_. There’s not one part of him that feels steady right now and this isn’t an argument. Not really.

He still doesn’t move as he watches Tyler puts on the shirt he’d left on the couch the night before.

“Like I said, you need time, on your own. I’m not giving up on you Jamie, just…”

Tyler makes a vague gesture with his hand and Jamie nods, shutting his eyes close when Tyler approaches him to drop a firm kiss against his temple.

The door closes and Jamie is left in the company of his heartbeat ringing in his ears.

**XVIII.** Jamie spends an awful lot of time looking at his wrist. He already knows Tyler is hurt and angry. He kind of guessed he was also sad and disappointed.

After a while watching the colors evolve on his skin starts feeling like spying, like he is invading Tyler’s privacy by having a direct window to his emotions. It feels wrong even though the sharing goes both ways, reminds him of the list he made years ago when he decided he didn’t need to find his soulmate because the whole thing was stupid.

Jamie still have to see Tyler everyday because they’re teammates and they do have to practice and play games together. They talk when hockey makes it mandatory for them to but it’s clear that Tyler wants them to have their own space and Jamie takes it upon himself to respect Tyler’s wish, no matter how much it aches to not be close to him.

He tells Jordie that Tyler is his soulmate and Jordie gives him a pointed look and says _nice of you to finally realize it when 95% of the Stars organization already knew_. Jamie kind of hates him.

A week after the big reveal, they have their afternoon free after their morning practice and Jamie decides that he had enough. He goes for a walk to try to get rid of his excess energy and he comes back to his building with Tyler’s favourite Starbucks order in one hand.

“I’m sorry. Can we talk ?”

The door is barely open when Jamie starts but Tyler doesn’t look surprised to see him there. Jamie tries to not think of it as some kind of soulmates connection and just thrust the coffee in Tyler’s hand and follows him to his couch.

Tyler as to get up again to settle Marshall out of their feet and into his basket but then he’s back, expression cautious but not closed off and Jamie missed him. It takes a lot of willpower to not just hug him right now but it’s time. Jamie truly has to go through with it now.

“I'm truly sorry Ty. I —” Jamie takes a deep breath. The apology part he knew he could do. Explaining his way of thinking is going to be the most difficult thing.

“Take your time. I’ve got nothing else to do,” Tyler eventually comments.

The words could be mean but the tone for it is not there. Tyler sounds… matter-of-factly. He doesn’t have anything to do besides listening to Jamie. Fact. Jamie glances a look and Tyler doesn’t look mad. Just ready to listen. It’s kind of comforting.

“I’m sorry I was stupid and mad at you because you weren’t clueless like I was. I’ve been thinking a lot about us during the last couple of days and it feels like it was obvious to you and it should have been obvious to me too and I feel dumb.” Admitting that lifts some weight off Jamie’s stomach and he can’t help but add, “And I hate feeling dumb, in case you hadn’t had 16489 occasions to notice that about me.”

His eyes are still on his hands but Jamie catches the corner of a smile on Tyler’s face.

“You want me to tell you ?” Tyler asks. “How I knew,” he clarifies when Jamie frowns.

“Yeah, go ahead.” Jamie answers after a moment of hesitation. He finally forces himself to concentrate on Tyler’s face.

“Okay, yeah, so.” A slow blush starts spreading over Tyler’s cheeks, giving him a bashful look, and Jamie is painfully reminded of how young Tyler is and of how much he wants to wrap him in a hug and never leave his side.

“You remember when you played us in Boston during my rookie year ?” Tyler starts and Jamie nods. “Well, that hit you put on me felt different from all the hits I’d received before and that night my soulmark went all rainbow on me.”

Jamie’s eyes drift to Tyler’s wrist and there’s no rainbow today but a bright corail to remind him of his stress, fear and hope.

“Then, in terms of big reveals there was the All Star Game. Because I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one that felt that surge of electricity go through my body.”

Tyler gets a confirmation when Jamie shakes his head, guilt all over his face as he bites his lower lip. Tyler’s hand grabs one of Jamie’s and Jamie, for the upteenth time since he met Tyler, feels his heart betraying him.

“So I had… Not a suspicion but the idea somewhere in my head that no matter what it was exactly, there probably was something between you and me. And then I got transferred to Dallas and I got to spend a lot of time with you and I know I came up with the stupid fan theory but I knew how you felt about soulmates and I knew I didn’t want to lose you but I was falling for you and then you kissed me and, well...” Tyler shrugs and despite his speed-rocketting heart rate, Jamie can’t help a smile and he has to bring Tyler’s hand to his mouth to put a kiss there.

“I… I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this but I think that deep down I haven’t doubted if it was you or not for a couple of months now. There was a definite click in my head and then it was clear as water. And I need you to understand that it’s okay if your brain didn’t catch up like mine did. I understand how you might have felt. Dumb, too late, fucking stupid or whatever but it’s okay.”

There’s a burning sensation right behind his eyelids and Jamie blinks, refusing to cry. His throat feels dry and he’s not sure how he’s supposed to speak now.

“I mean, I’m your soulmate, I’m pretty sure that makes me like the most qualified person to understand you or something.” Tyler jokes but his voice is a little raspy and maybe Jamie is not the only one getting a little emotional here. “We can have all the discussions in the world but I couldn’t just tell you everything like that. I needed you to realize some shit on your own too first.”

Tyler squeezes Jamie’s hand and Jamie swallows the lump in his throat before squeezing back.

“I was jealous.”

Tyler frowns but Jamie takes another deep breath to continue.

“I should have been jealous of you but the feeling never really sticked. When I realized I was going to be a gay NHL player I was scared and here you were, not assuming the gender of your soulmate and not giving a shit what people might think. I don’t know if you realize how much admirable you are for that Ty.”

Jamie hears more than sees Tyler’s sharper intake of breath and then he’s ducking his head, pink back on his cheeks. Jamie lets his thumb rub over Tyler’s knuckles.

“So maybe I was the tiniest bit jealous of you but mostly I was jealous of your soulmate —which, yeah, sounds dumb now but whatever. Weeks went by and… I was getting more attached to you and I knew you cared a lot about your soulmate and I was jealous that they didn’t even need you to know them to make you feel good and I was scared that I was going to be replaced the day you finally got to meet them. That was probably a selfish thought but you’ve met yourself, you can’t blame me.”

Jamie lowers his head on a chuckle but then he feels Tyler’s hands on both side of his head and he is being brought into a kiss. Tyler kisses him hard and Jamie melt, feeling warm and _good_ for the first time in a week.

“God Jame, you’re such an overthinker,” Tyler groans against his lips, their foreheads together.

“Yeah well, your soul still decided to love me so, suck it.”

It takes Jamie a couple of seconds to realize what he just said and he wants to start apologizing but Tyler is quick to shush him, whispering an _it’s okay_ against his skin before kissing him again.

They probably need to have a ton of other conversations to get their shit out together but this one already feels like a big step. Tyler may be right. _It’s okay_.

**XIX.** Jordie volunteers their apartment to host Tyler’s birthday party and that’s how the team ends up chilling around their living room with beers and music on a friday night.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Jamie’s in the kitchen putting more snacks into a bowl when Tyler’s voice surprises him. He frowns while his teammate approaches him. “What do you mean ?” Then Tyler makes a show of looking at Jamie’s wrist and _oh_. Jamie grins. “Well, I figured it was its birthday too after all.”

And yeah, Jamie had felt a little proud of himself when earlier today he had decided to draw a tiny birthday cake with candles above his soulmark. He’d also felt silly and a little bit out of his comfort zone but now, the look on Tyler’s face made it all worth it.

Tyler’s thumb rubs over Jamie’s wrist and it’s easy to read the question in his eyes. Jamie nods his approval and Tyler brings his hand up to drop a kiss on Jamie’s soulmark.

There’s no one around to tell them to get a room but Jamie believes it could be a matter of time considering how wrapped up in each other they are.

He doesn’t have to look to know which feeling they’re both sharing right now. What matters is written clear and simple in the lines of Tyler’s grin and the warm wave in his own chest.

Jamie answers Tyler with a big smile of his own. He takes a second to push a kiss on Tyler’s forehead before grabbing his hand to lead them back to their teammates.

Maybe that whole soulmate thing could not be so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr, I'm domkubaliks :)


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